My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
