i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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