remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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