so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
