the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
