dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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