grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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