drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
