Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
