my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize