So drunk its hurt
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
