I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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