apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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