sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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