u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
