I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This house was built for laser tag.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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