Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
