1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
