when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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