dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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