My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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