Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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