Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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