I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
