dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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