You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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