we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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