Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
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last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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