It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
