Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
