It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there's paper in my vomit.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
