please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
