Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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