But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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