The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
