Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
