Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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