That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
how drunk are you?
Several
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