I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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