I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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