aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
