worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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