Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
