So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
