the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
