After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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