Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
