I heard we made out
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
