Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
