Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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