Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
People in love make me want to vomit
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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