when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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