New invention idea: vibrating tampons
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
ttyl tear gas
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
