I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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