The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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