honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
