So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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