The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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