Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
